Orochimaru and Kabuto's Extreme Road Trip
by Acelynn and Abhirati
Summary: Everyone who's seen Naruto Abridged 24 should understand this. Well...almost understand. And if you haven't, read it anyway.
1. Prologue

Pack your bags, Kabuto, we're goin' on a road trip!


	2. Family Reunion of Butterflies

Once upon a time in the Village Hidden in the Sound, two spaztic teenage girls wrote a crackfic while eating pingases that belonged to Tamaki Suoh and Deidara What's-His-Face. Rick Astley was among these girls, giving them delicious goldfish to sustain their brains.

But enough with the good story, let's go on to the crappy part.

One hot, sweaty, sex-steamy summer's day, a man and his bitch were driving around on an extreme road trip to Vegas (otherwise known as Kabuto's pants.) After a long journey filled with loud music and other unmentionable things, Kabuto decided to ask his "companion" a question.

"Lord Orochimaru, I have a question about relationships."

"OH, WELL KABUTO, LET ME FIRST START OFF BY SAYING THAT IF YOU FUCK THEM UPSIDE DOWN, THEN YOU'RE A SLUT!" the pasty man answered, taking a bite of his Dorito.

"…Right."

Kabuto decided to shut the hell up because he was a fuzzbag. During this awkward silence Sasuke ran down the road in the middle of nowhere naked with a bunch of rabid fangirls chasing after him. Orochimaru then yelled out, "Hey Sasuke, come taste my skittles."

Kabuto was displeased by this remark so he stated "WHY DON'T I GET ANY SKITTLES IS IT BECAUSE I HAVE GLASSES?"

Kabuto never received an answer because before you could say "Itachi is a dickface McMuffin bag" Sasuke jumped on the back of the van screaming

"HAY GUYS IM NEKKID!"

"HOLY SHIT THIS IS WORSE THAN THE INCIDENT WITH AIZAWA'S AFRO!" Orochimaru screamed, taking hold of the wheel.

"YOU MEAN WHEN IT GREW TO OVER 9000 TIMES ITS OWN SIZE AND ATE ALL 17 OF PEIN'S PENISES?" Kabuto replied back.

"YES, YOU SEE, KABUTO, THAT'S WHY I LEFT THE AKATSUKI—THE SEX WASN'T GREAT ANYMORE."

"Oh…well that's understandable, sir," Kabuto said dreamily, staring at Sasuke's hot and naked body.

Suddenly, a thump was heard from on top of the roof; Orochimaru opened the sun roof to investigate, and too his displeasure (or was it?) found something very disturbing to most people.

"THAT'S RIGHT, SASUKE, SHAKE UR GOODS!" a naked Gai screamed, moving his hips in a circular motion across the top of the sunroof.

"GGGGEEEEAAAAH!!" Kabuto yelled, immediately shutting the window. "OROCHIMARU, IF I WASN'T GETTING A PACK OF SKITTLES FOR THIS, I WOULD BE OUT OF HUR."

"…Kabuto, you're not getting any skittles."

"…Oh, well…fuck."

Doing the only thing that would make sense in this situation, Orochimaru accelerated into uber-ovderdrive. Well, what Orochimaru didn't know is that doing that takes you to a special place where your WORST NIGHTMARES come true. Yes, children (that Orochimaru wants to fuck) I mean MY house –lightning strikes-

"GO EAT A BUTTERFLY" Voldemort yelled at his wife, Bellatrix. She was holding a beautiful, sexy, awesome, amazing and superubereffingcool baby girl. For some odd reason she was wearing a sombrero and mustache.

"Googoo gaagaa DEH"

Voldemort started cooing at the little baby. Bellatrix pulled the fake mustache and sombrero off of the child and screamed

"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO OUR BABY?"

Voldemort ignored that comment then picked up his daughter and began to stroke her head while murmuring "pretty."

Bellatrix slapped him and yelled " ARE YOU DRUNK??"

In the skymaid Flapjack voice Voldemort replied "Yes."

She rolled her eyes.

NOWWW… lets skip a few years when Orochimaru and Kabuto come to the Riddle household.

The little girl, now named Catherine is still amazing but she's 13 now… So one day she was skipping around Riddle mansion illegally texting people when this guy walked in. He looked like a pedophile. She stared at him for 5 seconds then screamed. " DAD THERE'S SOME PEDOPHILE AT THE DOOR!"

"COMIIIIIIIIIING!" Voldemort sang gaily, skipping to his meet his daughter in the doorway, wearing a skimpy pink dress that looked a hell of a lot like Misa Misa's.

"DO YOU LIEK TEH DRESS?" Voldy asked. "I TOOK IT FROM MISA MISA AFTER I RAPED HER YESTERDAY."

"That's lovely…" the leprechaun expressed, pointing again to Orochimaru. "LOOKIT TEH PEDOPHILE!" she yelled while doing the epic Tamaki point.

"Hmm…you look strangely familiar…" Voldemort said, approaching Orochimaru and rolling his face around in his hands. "Have we had sex before?"

"…HELL NO," Orochimaru yelled defensively. "I ONLY SLEEP WITH SEXY, YOUNG BOYS. AND YOU, SIR, DO NOT HAVE A NOSE."

"Well, that is a good point," Voldemort said, putting his hand on his chin like the Nikki pose. "But how do I know you? This is bugging me."

Suddenly Catherine screamed out, "LOOKIE DADDEH HE'S ALL PASTEH LIEK YEW!"

Voldy suddenly let out an audible gasp, "YOU!" he said in the Invader Zim voice. "I REMEMBER YOU!"

Orochimaru looked to his four-eyed companion with a shrug, afraid for his life and his penis overall.

"YOU…YOU'RE MICHAEL JACKSON AND I'S SON."

"…..WHAT!!?" Catherine screamed, spitting out the coffee that magically appeared in her mouth. "UM, WHY DIDN'T I HEAR ABOUT THIS?"

"YEAH, AND MORE IMPORTANTLY, WHY DIDN'T I HEAR ABOUT IT?!" Bellatrix asked, walking in from a nearby room.

"Well, you see, honey," Voldemort said, placing a hand on his wife's shoulder. "Years and years ago, back when I was like…20 or whatever, I had a one night stand with Michael Jackson. Apparently something happened…and…Billie Jean isn't about who you think it is."

Bellatrix stood awkwardly in the middle of the foyer with an expression that was a mix of the rage face and the mah boi face. "F-F-FFFFFFF…"

"UM, HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL ABOUT ALL THIS?" Orochimaru said, clinging to Kabuto.

"WELL, GENE SIMMONS IS YOUR TWIN BROTHER, SO I WOULDN'T FEEL SO DOWN," Voldy said, smoothing out his dress.

"…HOW DOES THAT HELP ANYTHING?!"

Catherine was standing in the middle of the foyer with the epic Draco WTF face. Then she started to bang her head against the wall repeatedly.

Voldie then came over to attempt to comfort his daughter "I don't see the bad in this, you've always wanted a brother."  
"SINCE WHEN?"

"Um…"  
"Dad. You fail. And you're gay…"

Then as if on cue, the Malfoys randomly apparated into Riddle Mansion.

"DRACO, LORENA. WE NEED TO FORM AN OUR DAD IS GAY CLUB."

Lucius just stood there, looking constipated.

Catherine then ran over to him and hugged him "I LOVE YEW MY GAY PIMP UNCLE"

Then as if on another cue Pein apparated into the room "DID SHUMBADEE SAY UNCLE?"

"NO." Everybody screamed in the Ganon voice.

"Hey its like a family reunion! Of gayness and sunshine and BUTTERFLIES!" Voldie exclaimed.

"Butterfly you dad, Butterfly you."

"WHY THANK YOU."

"That wasn't a compliment."

"Hey Catherine why is there a dead house-elf in the middle of your floor?" Draco asked.

"… That's what the bat's for."

While this conversation was going on, the entire time Pein was spazticly pointing at Orochimaru. ""

"Yes, ME. I'm enjoying this awkward family reunion."

"IIIIMMMM NOT" Catherine started singing, due to her being drunk.

And then with a flash of light and rose petals Tamaki appeared in the room "OH LOOKIE CATHERINE YOU'RE DRUNK. LETS HAVE SEX IN FRONT OF YOUR FAMILY."

So they had sex. In front of everyone, and yes, nobody thought to move the dead house elf.

Draco was depressed "WHY DON'T I GET ANY SKITTLES CATHERINE? ITS BECAUSE IM PALE ISNT IT?"

Catherine continued going about her business, not bothering to answer the rather pale boy.

"NAAAAW I DON'T THINK YOU'RE PALE, BROTHA," Lorena said, glomping her brother.

Draco pushed her off. "GETOFF O MEH."

Lorena then proceeded to run up to Pein, staring at his…'gorgeous' face. "…UR PRETTY."

"OH, WELL THANK YOU, LITTLE BOY OR GIRL," Pein said, patting the top of Lorena's head.

"HOW DO YOU LOOK IN A SPEEDO?" Lorena asked suddenly, staring at Pein's pants.

"UM, HELLO, I'M STILL HERE!" Orochimaru said, completely confused by everything that was going on.

"FIESTA EN PEIN'S PANTALONES!" Lorena yelled happily, jumping into Pein's sexy pants.

"….83"

"Oh yes, you are still here," Bellatrix said. "CRUCIO!"

"GAAAH!" Orochimaru screamed suggestively, pushing Kabuto in front to block the attack. Kabuto fell to the floor writhing in pain. No, not Pein. Just pain. Because if he was writhing in Pein, he would be doing what Lorena is right now, which isn't exactly appropriate or normal. Then again, none of this fanfic makes sense, so why not?

"COME ON, KABUTO, LET'S GET OUT OF THIS MADHOUSE." Orochimaru took the arm of his bitch and sprinted for his life back to the van.  
"AUGHSLKJFSDKLLSDFJEIWFJWKSJFJ!!" Kabuto slurred out, unable to speak from the growing pain (Pein) of the curse. (…heheh)

"SUCK IT UP, YOU PANSY."

"…DID SOMEBODY SAY PANSY?" Suddenly Pansy Parkinson jumped out of the bushes, being annoying as normal.

"GOD NO! NO MORE BUTTERFLYING CHARACTER INTROS!" Orochimaru threw a large harpoon right through the side of her head and stepped on the gas pedal. "LET'S GOOOOOOOO."

Draco walked outside to watch them leave and saw Pansy lying in a bloody heap on the ground. "….THANK YOU!!" he screamed, waving spaztically at the van. "I…I LOVE YOU!"

Upon hearing these words, Orochimaru put the van in reverse, pulling up perfectly in front of Draco, a rape face plastered upon his mouth. "HMM? LOVE ME, YOU SAY?"

"HEHEH YEAH WHY NOT."

Orochimaru grabbed Draco and threw him into the back of the van. "WELL YOU'RE YOUNG AND SEXY…YOU'LL MAKE A WONDERFUL CANDIDATE FOR MY NEW BODY."

"Wait…NUUUUU GET MEH OUT OF HURRRRRRRR!" Draco screamed, banging on the side of the walls. (heheh)

Catherine was depressed because Tamaki's MOTHERFUCKINGBITCH… I mean Butterfly… of a grandma made him go back to MOTHERFUCKING I mean… Butterflying… Japan.

Catherine made the Gaz face and said "I GUESS I'll go fuck Draco or something" Then she kicked the dead house elf that was still there.

TO BE CONTINUTED… WOOOOOOOO


End file.
